So there I was gabbing with my two coworkers and the topic of cancer came up (not by me) and it followed the usual course those conversations go, people lower their voice and speak sadly about family members that died and how awful it was yada yada and how so many people were getting it and someone said, odds are one of us (3 people) will get it. I raised my hand and said, that would be me and I got the speech about how if I think I will die from cancer I will. I so so so wanted to say, I'm recovering from fucking cancer and just this morning I read an mri report that mentions an enlarged lymph node and I meet with the doc on May 14th. Wanna come with me, it's sure to be a grand old time....
Oh, and to the office manager who glibly said to me the day before - you look like you have a headache. you should relax - I'd like to say - I have a fucking headache because I'm going to see the oncology surgeon today.
Oh, and to the office manager who glibly said to me the day before - you look like you have a headache. you should relax - I'd like to say - I have a fucking headache because I'm going to see the oncology surgeon today.
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SF Bay Area
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Re: I'll let you know on May 15th.
Thu, April 17, 2008 - 9:16 AMIf they did know, they wouldn't know what to say anyway. We're all very frightened to be the next chemo patient. And today, the way it looks it's almost as inevitable as death itself. Here's to praying your MRI reports nothing alarming. -
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Re: I'll let you know on May 15th.
Thu, April 17, 2008 - 1:47 PMI know you meant well, I do, but making the comment about the inevitability of cancer and death thereof is perhaps not the best comment in response to a post about someone recovering from cancer who has a bad test result.
in the spirit of 'things you should have said' and not to you personally -
Thank you for yet another opportunity to waste my time putting qualifiers about you and you and you so that what you say which, is supposedly about me, isn't completely hostile.
If you don't want to know, what kind of self centered narcissist are you?
I don't care if you are frightened, we are talking about me, not you.
Go deal with your feelings with someone else, don't expect me to make you feel better because you feel bad because I am sick.
and my personal favorite, If you don't know what to say or do, find the fuck out and then do it.
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Re: I'll let you know on May 15th.
Thu, April 17, 2008 - 6:05 PMBeing around stupid people like that is bad for your health, -
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Re: I'll let you know on May 15th.
Fri, April 18, 2008 - 9:19 PMThank you, that's really sweet, problem is that mostly people just aren't informed and don't get it and they aren't bad and they can't express themselves and all that totally valid stuff. That is what makes it so frustrating, the only way to get through this stuff is to recognize that and not take it personally which isn't always easy when you are at your most vulnerable. The people who can be open emotionally will be and I just try to stick with them as much as possible.
I say this now but this entire week, up until about an hour ago, I thought half the planet was stupid. What a waste of energy.
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Re: I'll let you know on May 15th.
Fri, April 18, 2008 - 6:18 AMIsn't magical thinking wonderful? All you have to do is really, really believe hard enough and you'll get whatever you want. I wonder if they aren't put on Earth to make dying seem like not such a bad idea.
Anyway, you have my best wishes.
