so.... this kid was harassing my daughter (took her soccer ball and threw it over a fence along with some verbal stuff), she came inside to get me, we went to go get her ball and there the lil' punk is standing on the corner across the street. Before I caught up to where she was he said something else (not nice) to her, she got mad and threw something at him (missed him by at least six feet). The kid grabbed the thing she threw at him and said, "you threw something at me - that's assault so now I can sue you". I'm thinkin' to myself, "wow, this kid is really a piece of work."
So I start walking over; I tell him to hand over the piece of junk or drop it (as opposed to making the gesture of threatening to throw it at me) or else we are going to have a big problem. About this time one of his "relatives" walks out.... long story short, she was even more spazzed out than the kid was. There were a few things I really FELT like saying, but at 37 I feel a bit too old to be instigating a fight ;-) I said something along the lines of "make sure he stays away from my kids and my property" when I really felt like saying something more along the lines of, "I don't know which is worse - you're oxytocin deficiency or the kid's obliviousness to how socially retarded he is".
I'm sure I'll have another opportunity to say something since now when my daughter is outside (on our property) he rides his bike back and forth calling her names... oh, did I mention his dad (or at least the guy his mom is living with) is a nasty ass drug dealer??
So I start walking over; I tell him to hand over the piece of junk or drop it (as opposed to making the gesture of threatening to throw it at me) or else we are going to have a big problem. About this time one of his "relatives" walks out.... long story short, she was even more spazzed out than the kid was. There were a few things I really FELT like saying, but at 37 I feel a bit too old to be instigating a fight ;-) I said something along the lines of "make sure he stays away from my kids and my property" when I really felt like saying something more along the lines of, "I don't know which is worse - you're oxytocin deficiency or the kid's obliviousness to how socially retarded he is".
I'm sure I'll have another opportunity to say something since now when my daughter is outside (on our property) he rides his bike back and forth calling her names... oh, did I mention his dad (or at least the guy his mom is living with) is a nasty ass drug dealer??
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SF Bay Area
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Sun, June 10, 2007 - 10:29 PMFor some reason I feel very protective of the children that are the targets of the 'bully' children. I work at a country club where the pool is the main attraction for the itty bitty ones. Kids can be so cruel its sick. I saw it today even, it was so sad and the mom was standing on the side talking with me. I know she knew what was going on but she chose to ignore it.
I felt like taking the child out and giving him treats and affection. It was so sad!
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Mon, June 11, 2007 - 3:27 PMYour problem is universal, my advise to you is enroll your daughter into Karate classes NOW! They teach defence against bulling and discipline, -
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Mon, June 11, 2007 - 5:38 PMMy daughter could knock him to the ground with one angry punch - heaven help him if he ever tries to lay a hand on her cuz she knows how to defend herself (and unfortunately has a couple of times). My big concern is I don't think a "fight" would end it - I think it would be the beginning of a larger problem. -
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Mon, June 11, 2007 - 10:27 PMit could be a larger problem but with kids its a learning lesson for life, giving your precious one the tools to handle the situation, like verbal judo the child can decide which battles to fight or to ignore. When I say fight I'm saying verbal talk down. Submissiveness even as adults doesn't get you far. Life is a fight right from the beginning. We can't always shelter and protect. Even if they can knock the teeth out of another, they didn't really win the fight so to speak. -
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Tue, June 12, 2007 - 7:08 AMall kids have to learn to deal with conflict in an appropriate way - I'm a teacher so I've dealt with bullies and other social dynamics long before my kids were old enough to have those sorts of issues on their own. My daughter was on the peer counselor/conflict resolution team at her school this past year and has good verbal skills - she's tried talking to him and does a pretty good job of just ignoring him now. We are just kinda waiting for him to lose interest, cuz all the positive intervention and ignoring we've tried has fallen short. I think what drives me the craziest is the "family". I don't think I've ever seen a parent for that kid (they stay inside tending the home business) but I've seen several hostile "cousins". They're outside screaming at each other or someone else on an almost daily basis. -
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Tue, June 12, 2007 - 8:18 AMsounds like a ghetto family, now I'm feeling sorry for the kid
that sucks
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Tue, June 12, 2007 - 10:07 AMBeing the child of a nasty-ass drugdealer, I don't like your stereotyping. I've always been on the bullied end, I NEVER was the bully.
You even know how hard it is to be the kid of some ass that doesn't know how to raise children, because he constantly surrounds himself with puffs of heroin and other junkies?
This is just a kid that needs a lot of help and love. Something you can't get as the child of a nasty-ass drugdealer. So he tries to fight for himself. I always tried to disappear.
And now I don't know what's worse. -
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Tue, June 12, 2007 - 10:35 AMThere were drugs in my house growing up - some of my siblings turned out pretty twisted. A person is MORE than a product of their environment. -
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Tue, June 12, 2007 - 10:58 AMThat's not what I'm saying, I turned out well too.
If this is true what you're saying, then you should be more inclined to help kids that have the same experiences, imho. You know how hard it is. Do your part, you know how lonely it is to grow up like this.
I wish someone would've helped ME when I was in that situation, it would've made all the difference. And now, grown up (well...21), I do my part to help children with drugaddicted parents.
People were not born "evil", some are more sensitive than others, or whatever it is that makes them come across as bad kids, growing up in the junkie world. Instead of whining about it, do something, especially because you know WHAT IT'S LIKE.
I might seem a bit fierce, and you're right, I am fierce on this subject. I'm not attacking you personally, let me get that straight, I'm attacking the fact that kids like us never get the help we so desperately need. And it seems as though even the people that know what it's like, are not trying to show these kids that there is another world behind that big wall. Sorry, but that really pisses me off.
And ofcourse you can say: Hey, there are millions of troubled kids, unrelated to drugaddicted parents, should I help them too then?!
But let me tell you this: In Western society, drug addicted parents (and I'm not talking about pot, I'm talking harddrugs and alcohol) are the WORST foundation for a young life. And there is so little help for these kids, compared to the help that is offered to kids coming from different households. -
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Tue, June 12, 2007 - 5:30 PMYou don't know me, Bork, but I feel you have read alot into *me* and *my situation* based on your experiences.
Accepting a person and accepting their behavior are not the same thing. I didn't say he was a "bad kid" - I beleive what I said was something along the lines of "he's a piece of work". If you work with at risk kids, I'm sure you've seen at least one kid like that by now - chip on his shoulder the size of Brooklyn and a veritable fortress built around his heart. It is both aggravating and heart breaking, tho' right now I'm feeling more aggravated with him because his behavior is directly affecting someone close to me. Condoning his behavior does not help him feel loved or appreciated. Turning a blind eye will not motivate him to become a better person. I've worked with at risk kids since you were in grade school - you're preachin' to the choir... -
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Tue, June 12, 2007 - 7:12 PMthere is a saying with foster children, there is broken and there is damaged
broken can be fixed
damaged is what it is
I've been working with mothers that have adopted children from foster parents so this is a very very real topic
another thing, when is it our responsibility to step in when there are obviously so many family members involved (cousins remember)
product of their environment
we can not just take them out or pretend to be the fairy god mother
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Re: neighborhood bully.... and family
Fri, July 6, 2007 - 11:33 AMBite me, I just read thorugh the conversations that you and Bork were having and something really jumped out at me. The next time (perhaps staged) he rides by to be obnoxious, have something nice set up. I mean like ice cream or a game your daughter doesn't play with anymore. I'm not sure what the ages are but what i'm really trying to get at is... the kill em with kindness approach. Perhaps if you pull him in, his jealousy (if that is what it might be) might be assuaged. He just might not get the attention he needs at home and although it is by far not your position to mother him, a kind word or two or action just might appeal to his good side and bring him around out of his bullying behaviour. I don't know, maybe waiting for him to ride by on his tangent wouldn't be the best time but perhaps approaching him or his relatives with a gift might get his little mind to thinking. It might not but it's something. I think it would be awful hard to behave so badly after someone has offered kindness toward you.
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